Why am I posting this?

Assalamualaikum. =)

Mir ist krank. Yeah. Despite being sick for the whole two days, and this morning I spent the whole day in the sick bay, I still went to the international language class. who cares? once you miss the class you would miss the whole fun!

But why I am posting this? Well, there is something happen that made me cry almost 15 minutes or more because of that. I am not sure why but to be sure that issue is so serious. Not saying about me doing a mistakes or causing trouble. It is just the things that happen to wake me up from what state I am now.

I remember some of this quotes said by the principle of Princess Charm School to Barbie starred as Blair.

"Confidence without character is dangerous. but you Blair,have a different problem, character without confidence."

The quote yet indeed stuck in my head now. to be honest.

I do believe i have the character to be someone that are success in their lives. but mostly i don't have the confidence to do it. I am more likely to be affected by my own emotional states rather than being cool and try to figure something out.

Yesterday, I was feeling so sick and the moment i receive my marks for Chemisty, mostly i felt like something struck hardly in my head that i felt so dizzy at that time. it was so horrible than my expectation! and to be precise, i'm not expecting high marks for it.

so lower than lower. hmm..

and I was so upset about it. no. truly still upset with it. why? because things like this will ruin my reputation and chances for me to be a surgeon one day. it is not that easy to go into top 10 universities with a result like that. because everything had already started.

and the moment I meet the doctor this morning, I just double upset. He is not that serious on checking my health condition. with that kind of service, why don't he just say "Go to the pharmacy and take your own medicine according to your health condition."

urghh. that's why I want to be a doctor someday. because I want to help people. yes. it is true that helping people has so many ways.

but this is me. and I want to help people in that way.

so this is Blair or princess Sophia. Don't even ask me why I know this. in fact I still watch Barbie movies until now. so what?

and another quote is "Every girl is a princess." so what kind of princess that you want to be? think and act. So, I'll try to stand again after falling on the floor all this time. *Thanks floor for being able to support me all these times. you are still supporting me but this time I will stand that I will walk and after I will run towards the dream that I wish.

It is hard though. yeah. for 2 days I've been crying while letting out all of my thoughts. I am at my critical point and trying to get to my neutral point.

So as a starting point to mend my grammars and get my english better, i write some of the posts in english and read english books. I just finish reading a book of fairytales that usually bedtime stories for children and it was fun! easy for me to understand. yet i hope it will later on make me easier to realize the grammar mistakes in my essay. just the way i do with Malay Languange. wow. how much do i read before?

My head now is getting dizzier as I cried a lot this evening. with my sorethroat and so on, I would better be going to sleep. but before that, I shall take some medicine.

May Allah ease everything. In shaa Allah.