Why am I posting this?

Assalamualaikum. =)

Mir ist krank. Yeah. Despite being sick for the whole two days, and this morning I spent the whole day in the sick bay, I still went to the international language class. who cares? once you miss the class you would miss the whole fun!

But why I am posting this? Well, there is something happen that made me cry almost 15 minutes or more because of that. I am not sure why but to be sure that issue is so serious. Not saying about me doing a mistakes or causing trouble. It is just the things that happen to wake me up from what state I am now.

I remember some of this quotes said by the principle of Princess Charm School to Barbie starred as Blair.

"Confidence without character is dangerous. but you Blair,have a different problem, character without confidence."

The quote yet indeed stuck in my head now. to be honest.

I do believe i have the character to be someone that are success in their lives. but mostly i don't have the confidence to do it. I am more likely to be affected by my own emotional states rather than being cool and try to figure something out.

Yesterday, I was feeling so sick and the moment i receive my marks for Chemisty, mostly i felt like something struck hardly in my head that i felt so dizzy at that time. it was so horrible than my expectation! and to be precise, i'm not expecting high marks for it.

so lower than lower. hmm..

and I was so upset about it. no. truly still upset with it. why? because things like this will ruin my reputation and chances for me to be a surgeon one day. it is not that easy to go into top 10 universities with a result like that. because everything had already started.

and the moment I meet the doctor this morning, I just double upset. He is not that serious on checking my health condition. with that kind of service, why don't he just say "Go to the pharmacy and take your own medicine according to your health condition."

urghh. that's why I want to be a doctor someday. because I want to help people. yes. it is true that helping people has so many ways.

but this is me. and I want to help people in that way.

so this is Blair or princess Sophia. Don't even ask me why I know this. in fact I still watch Barbie movies until now. so what?

and another quote is "Every girl is a princess." so what kind of princess that you want to be? think and act. So, I'll try to stand again after falling on the floor all this time. *Thanks floor for being able to support me all these times. you are still supporting me but this time I will stand that I will walk and after I will run towards the dream that I wish.

It is hard though. yeah. for 2 days I've been crying while letting out all of my thoughts. I am at my critical point and trying to get to my neutral point.

So as a starting point to mend my grammars and get my english better, i write some of the posts in english and read english books. I just finish reading a book of fairytales that usually bedtime stories for children and it was fun! easy for me to understand. yet i hope it will later on make me easier to realize the grammar mistakes in my essay. just the way i do with Malay Languange. wow. how much do i read before?

My head now is getting dizzier as I cried a lot this evening. with my sorethroat and so on, I would better be going to sleep. but before that, I shall take some medicine.

May Allah ease everything. In shaa Allah.

menjawab soalan anon di ask.fm. "Macammana kau akan react bila kawan baik lelaki kau kata dia suka kau?"

hi anon! sorry lambat balas. baru je habis exam. Alhamdulillah.

sebenarnya dah lama aku baca soalan ni. cuma aku tangguh dulu nak jawab. sebab mcm akan ambik masa panjang untuk jawab. ha buktinya sampai aku terpaksa post dekat blog tau.

well. for that question, aku rasa kau tertinggal perkataan "akan" react. kan? eh xpelah. biarlah.

so. jadi soalan, mcmmne aku akan react kalau bff lelaki aku kata dia suka aku? first. let say if bff aku tuh jenis yang kuat bergurau. aku akan just mcm. "sudah lah kalau nak prank pun buat lah cara lain pun."and ketawa. sebabnya orang ni x boleh dijangka. *so kalau nak prank aku, jangan cara mcmtuh eh. aku x percaya. Hahaha.

second, let say if he is serious. still aku takkan marah or bertindak luar batasan. sebabnya suka dan perasaan nak menyayangi ni fitrah. kita hidup dengannya. percayalah. mungkin kalau dia confess tuh sebab di rasa dah lama sangat terbuku dalam hati dia. beratkan simpan perasaan lama2? sama macam perasaan marah jugak.

but, a question, what will happen after that? okay, satu. kalau dia confess dengan tujuan nak tahu aku ade perasaan yang sama jugak atau x, kalau aku, aku takkan bagitahu apa perasaan aku. sebab aku nak biarkan ianya rahsia. lagipun orang kata, sayang ni macam2 cara. ada yang kirim guna doa, ada yang care dengan cara diam dan lain2. kita boleh nilai dan nampak kan?

kalau dia confess sebab dia nak couple, errr. sorry. I will not accept. aku dah tengok dah rata2 orang yang couple ni. dari kawan baik jadi couple kan? first, friendship bond yang kukuh dah jadi terlerai. lagi teruk kalau couple tuh yang jenis bagai nak rak konon "she is mine. he is mine bagai." aduh. lama2 putus. pastuh langsung x cakap. ha. pastuh mula lah update status. "pernah tak kenal seseorang dengan sangat rapat lepas tuh dah jadi mcm stranger?" .so first thing first aku akan pastikan walaupun lepas dia kalau confess pun friendship akan tetap kekal utuh lagi kukuh. tuh diaaa. hehehe.

third. ini kemungkinan yang paling sikit berlaku. errr. tapi dalam kawan2 aku ada jugak berlaku. kalau lah dia confess sampai kata " aku yakin kau jodoh aku bla bla bla bla and sebagainya." ha. x payah banyak cakap. start2 lah rajin solat, rajin baca quran, belajar hormat orang tua, belajar rajin2.sebab aku nak jodoh yang baik. *eh demanding betul kan? yelah. aku pun bukannya baik sangat pun. itulah sebabnya aku nak orang bimbing.aku akan bebel sikit kot. aku nak tengok sejauh mana kuatnya yang dia kata ada jodoh tuh. biar Allah yang tentukan. sebab orang kata campak lah mana pun, kalau dh hak milik kita akan kembali pada kita jugak.

itupun kalau akan datang dia x lupa aku.. entah2 dah lama x jumpa nanti, bertembung dekat jalan pun x kenal dah. biasalah. x semua orang matang sampai nak fikir masa depan yang jauh tuh. betul x?

hahaha. tapi biasanya lelaki.. ada seorang yang kata dengan aku. "lelaki ni hati dia macam bintang. berkelip2. harini dia nampak kita penting, kita lah yang paling cantik dan paling baik. esok lusa ada lagi yang lagi baik dari kita dia nampak."

yep. itulah jawapan aku anon. panjang kan? so nasihat aku untuk aku dan juga orang lain.

anon, kalau kau perempuan macam aku dan ada bff lelaki, tolong lah react dgn cara yang terbaik kalau bff kau tuh confess. jangan pulak kau putuskan macamtuh aje. :) mohon lah sangat2 jangan couple. sebab nanti relationship korang tuh xkan diberkati lagi. jangan salah kan orang lain kalau break. okay? dan lagi satu jangan terlalu mengharap. itu yang penting. perjalanan masih jauh. jangan sibukkan diri dengan perasaan sampai terabai segala2nya. kita ni umpama berlian. sangat berharga. kalau suka jugak pun simpan je diam2. doa.

anon, kalau kau lelaki, ingatlah perasaan tak boleh dibuat main2. kalau kau ada bff perempuan and nak confess, jangan sakitkan hati perempuan tuh ya. especially kalau kau nampak dia macam sayang dekat kau tapi dia tak bagitahu.  oh ya. jangan terasa pun dengan analogi bintang tuh ya! doakan dia banyak2.
:)

anon, walaupun aku rasa kau kenal dan tahu aku memang ada kawan baik. tapi aku x dapat nak detect siapa kau. hopefully one day kau akan bagitahu aku. kenapa kau tanya soalan ni.

sekian.